Would I Have Said Yes to My Best Friend's Proposal?

I remember the day I moved into my first apartment in the City confidently, thinking I had chosen an address in a 'gay-friendly' neighborhood. Little did I know, the majority of my building was occupied by gay singles and couples, and walking distance away were many of the City's most popular gay bars and hangouts.

My best friend at work, Danny, moved in with his committed partner shortly after I did. From them, I learned a lot about the challenges and joys of being part of the LGBTQ community. We became really good friends, and they introduced me to Keith.

Keith and I were both on our own, never having those all-encompassing companionship that Danny and his partner had. We bonded quickly, and Keith became the best friend who knew everything about me and accepted me just as I was. He was an empathetic listener who helped me navigate relationships with boyfriends and heartache, and our shared joys in shopping, movies, restaurants, and cooking brought us closer. He knew me more intimately than anyone ever had.

I found out that I loved him, and he loved me, but we never took it further. Keith was gay, and that was something I had to accept. We eventually established a serious agreement: if I hadn't married by age 40, Keith and I would marry and buy real estate together.

One of the hardest things I had to do was accept that this man, who I loved, would never desire me and to move on to another. I married at age 37, and Keith was my only attendant. Twenty years later, Keith became seriously ill, and he was admitted to a nursing home. He phoned me one day to share that he regretted not asking me to marry him when he had the chance, expressing that he felt we could have made a good life together.

Keith's words touched me deeply, and our conversation was emotional. I told him that I already knew he loved me and promised that in our next life, he would be straight and we'd meet in London because Richmond, Virginia, was not to my liking.

If Keith had asked me to marry before my current relationship, I would absolutely have said yes. To this day, there are aspects of him that my current partner, David, will never know about. I was completely comfortable, being myself with Keith, and we had a lot in common, supporting each other in everything and never arguing. We could have made a happy home and a wonderful life together.

Keith passed away last July, leaving a permanent hole in my life. I miss him so much, but the memory of our friendship and the love we shared will always be a cherished part of my life.