Beyond Happiness: Embracing the Uncomfortable

The Struggle for Happiness

According to J.D. Salinger, I don’t know anyone who is constantly happy unless they are under 10 years old. I have not had a particularly happy life. For 98 of it I have been in constant pain. I have had over 50 surgeries and have spent a lot of it in hospitals. This poignant quote from one of literature's greatest authors resonates deeply with many of us who struggle to find happiness in the face of adversity.

Salinger seems to have unknowingly echoed the sentiments expressed by theologian M.F. Bird, who suggested, #8220;God Created Adam and Eve and we are the souls, a tiny piece of HIS ID so our goal should be to cheer HIM up by every possible way. We should feel happy only when we try to cheer HIM.#8221; It is a striking thought, especially in the context of Salinger’s own life. Myself, I tend to be a fairly happy person despite the many major challenges I have faced, including being diagnosed with four separate cancers over a 22-year period, providing care for a mother who suffered a severe stroke and underwent multiple surgeries, and enduring the diabetic coma that left me with a changed personality.

The Myth of Constant Joy

It's a common misconception that happiness is a continuous state, and those who have experienced significant pain and suffering often feel that they are failing to live up to this ideal. However, as both Salinger and the biblical saying from Ecclesiastes: #8220;To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.#8221; remind us, life is a cycle of ups and downs. The ability to face adversity and find joy in the present moment is what truly defines resilience.

The Kotick quote

Rich Kotick, a famous entrepreneur, once commented: #8220;I have not thought about my friends much that way but it strikes a chord in me now. Although I don’t think it’s exclusively “cheering up” that my friends do.#8221; He touches on an often-overlooked aspect of friendship: support and companionship.

Friends play a vital role in our lives, and their ability to provide comfort and understanding is a significant part of what makes them valuable. However, it is important to recognize that the act of cheering someone up is not always their primary intention. They may simply want to be present, offer a listening ear, or provide emotional support.

The Energy of Response

Communication and interaction between individuals often involve a balance between "cheering up" and "putting down." It is generally easier to react with exaggeration than to respond appropriately, striking a balance that is contextually respectful. This requires energy and a developed way of managing that energy.

For example, my own need to always find the bright side can lead to over-exaggeration of positivity, which can sometimes leave me feeling out of balance. It is crucial to carefully practice this balance, finding comfort in the uncomfortable nature of conflict and darkness.

The Power of Mortality

Reflecting on my mortality has been a powerful motivator for my positive attitude. Faced with the realities of aging and the inevitability of death, I have come to embrace life more fully. Knowing that I have a great deal more living to do and being far from ready to die has given me the determination to maintain a positive outlook.

While I have been blue from time to time, I have made a conscious effort to not sink to the depths of depression. I often think of the promise of angels guiding me to Heaven, a belief that works for me despite its whimsical nature. Smiling and being happy is an expression of my positive attitude and a way to find joy in the present moment.

Resilience and Positivity

Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust to adversity. It is in these moments of struggle that our true strength and character are tested. I have personally witnessed the power of resilience through the example of my mother, who, despite living with me during her illness and enduring multiple surgeries, remained a joy. She never complained, though she was in great pain, and our bond became even stronger in the face of her struggles.

Gratitude, resilience, and a positive attitude are key components of navigating life's challenges. Whether it's dealing with serious illnesses, caring for loved ones, or recovering from personal setbacks, it is our ability to adapt, endure, and maintain hope that truly shapes our journey.