Navigating My Complex Relationship with Religion: A Personal Journey

Religion has a complex history with me, a history that I’ve been navigating since childhood. Growing up, my personal relationship with religion has been a mix of influence from both my parents and an evolving understanding of my beliefs. As I reflect on my journey, I find myself in what I describe as a state of 'gleeful neglect,' where I leave religion alone and it leaves me alone.

Family Background and Religious Influences

On my father's side, almost the entire Vigder family, 27 in total at the last count, identifies as Jewish. However, the tragedies of my father's early life led him to be raised by his mother's sister as a Catholic. On my mother's side, she was brought up as a Protestant, which became the primary influence in my upbringing.

This blend of religious influences meant that I was steeped in different religious backgrounds. By the time I was ten, I was baptized as a Presbyterian by my mother, who felt I was old enough to make that decision. At twenty, I was saved as a member of the Assembly of God (AOG). My mother's Protestant background was the dominant one, with an Affiliation to Presbyterianism that had its roots in the Protestant tradition.

Exploring Other Religious Paths

Seeking a deeper understanding of religion, I spent several years studying Islam and Catholicism. Curiosity and a desire to explore different belief systems were at the heart of this exploration. However, by the age of 25, I felt religion was simply not for me. The plethora of problems associated with religion, including wars, child molestation, and the mistreatment of tribal/Indigenous families, made me question the moral authority of religious institutions.

Furthermore, the way religion sought to dictate how one should live their life was not something I found appealing. This sentiment culminated in a critical stance where I deemed religion, with its failures and dark history, as 'evil.' The gap between the ideals of religion and the reality of its manifestations became too wide for me to ignore. Thus, I made a conscious decision to step away from religion after nearly 20 years of being religiously affiliated.

Atheist Perspective with a Twist

Since giving up on organized religion, I have found myself in a state of limbo. While I no longer subscribe to any specific religious doctrine, I still retain a belief in some form of higher power or force. The idea of dismissing religion entirely is not without its challenges. There’s a lingering curiosity and a sense of wonder that I can’t quite let go of.

Perhaps part of the reason I stayed religious for so long was the allure of being a religious person through a Protestant lens, which might have offered a semblance of community and a sense of belonging. Yet, the depth of the issues that religion perpetuates—be it through wars, maltreatment, or other forms of harm—has made me view religious institutions more critically.

Conclusion

My current relationship with religion is best described as 'gleeful neglect.' It’s a state where religion and I stay apart, maintaining a separation, much like how a healthy relationship should be—no pressure, no intrusion. It's a space where I can freely explore my own beliefs without the confines of religious dogma. Although I don’t actively reject the concept of a higher power, I’ve found that atheism offers a more comfortable space for me to exist. For now, I’m in my own corners, quietly contemplating and evolving my relationship with what exists beyond the boundaries of organized religion.

Keywords: religious journey, atheist perspective, personal belief